311 lines
11 KiB
HTML
311 lines
11 KiB
HTML
<!doctype html>
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<html lang="en">
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<head>
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<meta charset="UTF-8" />
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<meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0" />
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<title>The Egg Shop — POULINKES.COM</title>
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<link
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rel="icon"
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href="data:image/svg+xml,<svg xmlns='http://www.w3.org/2000/svg' viewBox='0 0 100 100'><text y='.9em' font-size='90'>🐔</text></svg>"
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/>
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<link rel="stylesheet" href="/style.css" />
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</head>
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<body>
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<nav>
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<div class="nav-brand">🐔 POULINKES.COM</div>
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<ul>
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<li><a href="/">The Nest</a></li>
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<li><a href="/lore.html">Poulinke Lore</a></li>
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<li><a href="/meet.html">Meet the Flock</a></li>
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<li><a href="/conspiracies.html">Conspiracies</a></li>
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<li><a href="/shop.html">Egg Shop</a></li>
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<li><a href="/join.html" class="cta">Join the Flock</a></li>
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</ul>
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</nav>
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<div class="page-hero">
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<div style="font-size: 4rem; margin-bottom: 1rem">🥚</div>
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<h1>The Sacred Egg Shop</h1>
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<p>
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Acquire relics of the poulinke realm. All items are either out of stock,
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unclear, or disputed.
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</p>
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</div>
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<!-- NOTICE BAR -->
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<div
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style="
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background: var(--egg-yolk);
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color: var(--egg-dark);
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font-family: "Cinzel", serif;
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font-size: 0.75rem;
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font-weight: 700;
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letter-spacing: 0.15em;
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text-align: center;
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padding: 0.75rem;
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text-transform: uppercase;
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"
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>
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⚡ Free spiritual shipping on orders over $∞ · All sales are final · Some
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sales are not real · All sales are witnessed by the poulinkes ⚡
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</div>
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<section style="background: white; padding: 5rem 2rem">
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<p
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style="
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text-align: center;
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font-family: "Crimson Text", serif;
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font-style: italic;
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font-size: 1.1rem;
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color: #666;
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max-width: 600px;
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margin: 0 auto 3rem;
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line-height: 1.8;
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"
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>
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Every item here has been carefully sourced from the coop. Every item is
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out of stock. This is not a supply chain issue. The poulinkes simply do
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not wish to part with these things. We list them anyway, because the
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longing is part of the experience.
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</p>
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<div class="shop-grid">
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<div class="shop-item wiggle">
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<span class="out-of-stock-badge">Out of Stock</span>
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<span class="shop-item-icon">💨</span>
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<h3>Premium Coop Air™</h3>
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<p>
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Hand-captured from the interior of a certified poulinke residence.
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Notes of hay, ambition, and the faint scent of someone who has
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figured something out but isn't telling you.
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</p>
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<span class="shop-price">$44.00 / breath</span>
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<span class="btn-disabled">Add to Cart</span>
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</div>
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<div class="shop-item wiggle">
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<span class="out-of-stock-badge">Out of Stock</span>
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<span class="shop-item-icon">🥚</span>
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<h3>Signed Egg (Unsigned)</h3>
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<p>
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A genuine egg, signed by Sir Clucksworth the Eternal. The signature
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is not visible to humans. Poulinkes can see it. They have confirmed
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it exists. We have not confirmed the poulinkes confirmed this.
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</p>
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<span class="shop-price">$333.00</span>
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<span class="btn-disabled">Add to Cart</span>
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</div>
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<div class="shop-item wiggle">
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<span class="out-of-stock-badge">Out of Stock</span>
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<span class="shop-item-icon">🪶</span>
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<h3>Authentic Poulinke Feather</h3>
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<p>
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May or may not be from a poulinke. Feather is of bird origin. That
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is all we can confirm. Comes with a certificate of authenticity that
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is also of uncertain origin.
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</p>
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<span class="shop-price">$189.00</span>
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<span class="btn-disabled">Add to Cart</span>
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</div>
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<div class="shop-item wiggle">
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<span class="out-of-stock-badge">Out of Stock</span>
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<span class="shop-item-icon">🎵</span>
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<h3>The Sacred Cluck (MP3)</h3>
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<p>
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A recording of Sir Clucksworth clucking once, in 1987, in the
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presence of three world leaders. What was communicated has never
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been translated. The file is 14 seconds long. It feels longer.
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</p>
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<span class="shop-price">$12.00</span>
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<span class="btn-disabled">Add to Cart</span>
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</div>
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<div class="shop-item wiggle">
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<span class="out-of-stock-badge">Out of Stock</span>
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<span class="shop-item-icon">📜</span>
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<h3>The Book of Cluck (Fragment)</h3>
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<p>
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A single page from the sacred text, written in original Cluckish.
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Comes with a partial translation. The translation is missing the
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most important sentence. The missing sentence is different for every
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reader.
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</p>
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<span class="shop-price">$670.00</span>
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<span class="btn-disabled">Add to Cart</span>
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</div>
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<div class="shop-item wiggle">
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<span class="out-of-stock-badge">Out of Stock</span>
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<span class="shop-item-icon">🕯️</span>
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<h3>Coop Ambiance Candle</h3>
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<p>
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"Midnight Roost" scent. Notes of cedar, wheat, and existential
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certainty. Burns for approximately 40 hours, during which you will
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feel watched. You are watched. This is not the candle.
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</p>
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<span class="shop-price">$55.00</span>
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<span class="btn-disabled">Add to Cart</span>
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</div>
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<div class="shop-item wiggle">
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<span class="out-of-stock-badge">Out of Stock</span>
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<span class="shop-item-icon">🖼️</span>
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<h3>Portrait of Brooder (the Unhatched)</h3>
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<p>
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An artist's impression of what Brooder the Unseen looks like,
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painted by someone who has never seen Brooder but felt they were
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being watched by an egg once and translated the experience.
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</p>
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<span class="shop-price">$1,200.00</span>
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<span class="btn-disabled">Add to Cart</span>
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</div>
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<div class="shop-item wiggle">
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<span class="out-of-stock-badge">Out of Stock</span>
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<span class="shop-item-icon">🧴</span>
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<h3>Egg Yolk Wisdom Serum</h3>
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<p>
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Apply to temples during important decisions. Formulated from egg
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yolk and "additional sacred ingredients." The additional sacred
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ingredients are more egg yolk. Wisdom sold separately. Wisdom is not
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available.
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</p>
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<span class="shop-price">$89.00 / 30ml</span>
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<span class="btn-disabled">Add to Cart</span>
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</div>
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<div class="shop-item wiggle">
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<span class="out-of-stock-badge">Out of Stock</span>
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<span class="shop-item-icon">⌚</span>
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<h3>The Poulinke Does Not Watch Time Watch</h3>
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<p>
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A timepiece with no numbers, no hands, and no mechanism. Time is a
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human construct. The poulinke simply knows. This watch helps you
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practice not knowing. It is extremely expensive.
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</p>
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<span class="shop-price">$4,000.00</span>
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<span class="btn-disabled">Add to Cart</span>
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</div>
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<div class="shop-item wiggle">
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<span class="out-of-stock-badge">Out of Stock</span>
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<span class="shop-item-icon">📦</span>
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<h3>Mystery Coop Box</h3>
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<p>
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Contains one item from the coop. Item is not specified. Item may be
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physical, conceptual, or a feeling. Some recipients received just a
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single feather. One recipient received an answer to a question they
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hadn't asked yet. Returns not accepted.
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</p>
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<span class="shop-price">$99.00</span>
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<span class="btn-disabled">Add to Cart</span>
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</div>
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<div class="shop-item wiggle">
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<span class="out-of-stock-badge">Out of Stock</span>
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<span class="shop-item-icon">🐣</span>
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<h3>Companion Egg (Non-Hatching)</h3>
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<p>
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A decorative egg for those who feel they need one present during
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important meetings, moments of doubt, or late-night existential
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reckonings. The egg does not hatch. It simply is. This is enough.
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</p>
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<span class="shop-price">$25.00</span>
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<span class="btn-disabled">Add to Cart</span>
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</div>
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<div class="shop-item wiggle">
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<span class="out-of-stock-badge">Out of Stock</span>
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<span class="shop-item-icon">🌀</span>
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<h3>"You Are a Poulinke" Confirmation Letter</h3>
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<p>
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An official letter, on heavy cream paper, confirming that you are a
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poulinke. The letter does not specify when, how, or in what
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capacity. It simply confirms. The confirmation is not new
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information. It is a reminder.
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</p>
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<span class="shop-price">$Free (out of stock)</span>
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<span class="btn-disabled">Add to Cart</span>
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</div>
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</div>
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</section>
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<!-- WAITLIST -->
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<section
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style="
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background: var(--egg-dark);
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text-align: center;
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padding: 4rem 2rem;
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"
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>
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<div style="font-size: 3rem; margin-bottom: 1rem">📋</div>
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<h2
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style="
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font-family: "Cinzel", serif;
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color: var(--egg-yolk);
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font-size: 2rem;
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margin-bottom: 1rem;
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"
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>
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Join the Waitlist
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</h2>
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<p
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style="
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font-family: "Crimson Text", serif;
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font-style: italic;
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color: var(--feather-pale);
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font-size: 1.1rem;
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max-width: 550px;
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margin: 0 auto 2rem;
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line-height: 1.8;
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opacity: 0.8;
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"
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>
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Items will be restocked when the poulinkes decide. The poulinkes have
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not decided. You can join the waitlist. The waitlist is currently 33
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billion names long. Most of the names are poulinkes. We did not ask them
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how they got on it.
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</p>
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<a href="/join.html" class="btn wiggle"
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>Join the Flock (Waitlist Access Included)</a
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>
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</section>
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<footer>
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<p>🐔 <strong>POULINKES.COM</strong> 🐔</p>
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<p>
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Established Before Time Itself · All Rights Reserved by the Poulinkes ·
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Humans May Not Have Rights Here
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</p>
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<p
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style="
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margin-top: 0.5rem;
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font-family: "Courier Prime", monospace;
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font-size: 0.7rem;
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opacity: 0.4;
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"
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>
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Hint: type "cluck" · Hint: ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A · Prices subject to
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change based on the mood of the coop
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</p>
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<p
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style="
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margin-top: 0.75rem;
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font-family: "Courier Prime", monospace;
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font-size: 0.65rem;
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opacity: 0.25;
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"
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>
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This website was not built. It was <em>laid</em>. By
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<a href="https://zias.be" style="color: inherit; text-decoration: none"
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>zias.be</a
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>. One (1) human was permitted. The council has been notified.
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</p>
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</footer>
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<script src="/main.js"></script>
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</body>
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</html>
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