438 lines
14 KiB
HTML
438 lines
14 KiB
HTML
<!doctype html>
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<html lang="en">
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<head>
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<meta charset="UTF-8" />
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<meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0" />
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<title>POULINKES.COM — They Were Here Before Us</title>
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<meta
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name="description"
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content="The official home of the Poulinkes. Sacred. Eternal. Slightly aggressive."
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/>
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<meta property="og:title" content="POULINKES.COM" />
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<meta
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property="og:description"
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content="They were here before us. They will outlive us."
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/>
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<link
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rel="icon"
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href="data:image/svg+xml,<svg xmlns='http://www.w3.org/2000/svg' viewBox='0 0 100 100'><text y='.9em' font-size='90'>🐔</text></svg>"
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/>
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<link rel="stylesheet" href="/style.css" />
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</head>
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<body>
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<nav>
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<div class="nav-brand">🐔 POULINKES.COM</div>
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<ul>
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<li><a href="/">The Nest</a></li>
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<li><a href="/lore.html">Poulinke Lore</a></li>
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<li><a href="/meet.html">Meet the Flock</a></li>
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<li><a href="/conspiracies.html">Conspiracies</a></li>
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<li><a href="/shop.html">Egg Shop</a></li>
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<li><a href="/join.html" class="cta">Join the Flock</a></li>
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</ul>
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</nav>
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<!-- ── HERO ──────────────────────────────────────────────────── -->
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<section class="hero">
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<div class="hero-eyeline">
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Est. Before Time · Sacred Order of the Poulinkes · Since The Egg
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</div>
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<div class="hero-chicken wiggle" data-secret-chicken>🐔</div>
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<h1>They Were Here Before Us.<br />They Will Outlive Us.</h1>
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<h2>
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The poulinke does not blink. The poulinke does not forgive. The poulinke
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merely <em>exists</em> — and in that existence, renders all human
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ambition beautifully, profoundly irrelevant.
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</h2>
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<div
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style="
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display: flex;
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gap: 1rem;
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flex-wrap: wrap;
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justify-content: center;
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position: relative;
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z-index: 1;
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"
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>
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<button id="cluck-btn" class="btn btn-solid wiggle">
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🐔 TRIGGER THE CLUCK 🐔
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</button>
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<a href="/lore.html" class="btn wiggle">Discover the Lore</a>
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</div>
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<p class="hero-sub">
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⚠ Side effects of visiting this site may include feather growth, egg
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cravings, and a growing sense that you have always been a poulinke. ⚠
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</p>
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</section>
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<!-- ── TRUTH SECTION ──────────────────────────────────────────── -->
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<section
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style="
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background: var(--egg-cream);
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padding: 5rem 2rem;
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text-align: center;
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"
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>
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<h2 class="section-title">What Is a Poulinke?</h2>
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<p class="section-sub">A question you should have asked sooner.</p>
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<p
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style="
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max-width: 700px;
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margin: 0 auto 2rem;
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font-size: 1.15rem;
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line-height: 1.9;
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color: #444;
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"
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>
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A <strong>poulinke</strong> is not merely a chicken. To call a poulinke
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a chicken is to call the ocean "some water" or the sun "a warm rock."
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The poulinke is an apex being — ancient, sovereign, and inexplicably
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aware of your credit score.
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</p>
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<p
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style="
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max-width: 700px;
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margin: 0 auto;
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font-size: 1.15rem;
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line-height: 1.9;
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color: #444;
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font-style: italic;
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"
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>
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Scientists estimate there are approximately 33 billion poulinkes on
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Earth. That is more than 4 per human.
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<strong>They are already in the majority.</strong>
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They are simply waiting.
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</p>
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</section>
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<!-- ── TEASER CARDS ───────────────────────────────────────────── -->
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<section style="background: white; padding: 5rem 2rem">
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<h2 class="section-title">Enter the World</h2>
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<p class="section-sub">
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Choose wisely. They are watching which link you click.
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</p>
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<div class="cards">
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<a href="/lore.html" style="color: inherit; display: block">
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<div class="card wiggle">
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<span class="card-icon">📜</span>
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<h3>Ancient Poulinke Lore</h3>
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<p>
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The pyramids did not build themselves. Explore 6,000 years of
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suppressed chicken history that the mainstream refuses to
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acknowledge.
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</p>
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</div>
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</a>
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<a href="/meet.html" style="color: inherit; display: block">
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<div class="card wiggle">
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<span class="card-icon">👑</span>
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<h3>Meet the Legendary Poulinkes</h3>
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<p>
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From Sir Clucksworth the Eternal to Countess Featherbottom von Egg
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— meet the immortal icons who shaped our world (without asking
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permission).
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</p>
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</div>
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</a>
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<a href="/conspiracies.html" style="color: inherit; display: block">
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<div class="card wiggle">
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<span class="card-icon">🔴</span>
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<h3>The Conspiracies</h3>
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<p>
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WiFi signals. Road crossings. The moon. You thought these things
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were unrelated. You thought wrong. Pull the string.
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</p>
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</div>
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</a>
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<a href="/shop.html" style="color: inherit; display: block">
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<div class="card wiggle">
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<span class="card-icon">🥚</span>
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<h3>The Sacred Egg Shop</h3>
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<p>
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Acquire blessed artifacts from the poulinke realm. Premium coop
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air. Signed eggs (unsigned). Feathers of uncertain origin. All out
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of stock.
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</p>
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</div>
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</a>
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</div>
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</section>
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<!-- ── TESTIMONIALS ───────────────────────────────────────────── -->
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<section class="dark-section">
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<h2 class="section-title">What Others Are Saying</h2>
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<p class="section-sub">Voices from members of the flock</p>
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<div class="cards" style="max-width: 1000px; margin: 0 auto">
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<div
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class="card"
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style="
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background: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.05);
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border-color: rgba(245, 158, 11, 0.3);
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"
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>
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<p
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style="
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color: var(--feather-pale);
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font-style: italic;
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font-size: 1.1rem;
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line-height: 1.8;
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margin-bottom: 1rem;
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"
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>
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"I came for the eggs. I stayed because the poulinkes asked me to.
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They didn't use words. They just... stared. For eight hours. I
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understood."
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</p>
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<p
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style="
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color: var(--egg-yolk);
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font-family: "Cinzel", serif;
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font-size: 0.8rem;
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letter-spacing: 0.1em;
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"
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>
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— GERALD M., Former Accountant, Current Flock Member #4,441
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</p>
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</div>
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<div
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class="card"
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style="
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background: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.05);
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border-color: rgba(245, 158, 11, 0.3);
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"
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>
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<p
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style="
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color: var(--feather-pale);
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font-style: italic;
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font-size: 1.1rem;
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line-height: 1.8;
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margin-bottom: 1rem;
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"
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>
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"My doctor said I had a 'chicken obsession.' My doctor has since
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joined us. She clucks at the sunrise every morning. It's very
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healthy."
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</p>
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<p
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style="
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color: var(--egg-yolk);
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font-family: "Cinzel", serif;
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font-size: 0.8rem;
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letter-spacing: 0.1em;
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"
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>
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— DR. PATRICIA W., MD, Flock Member #9,002
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</p>
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</div>
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<div
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class="card"
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style="
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background: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.05);
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border-color: rgba(245, 158, 11, 0.3);
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"
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>
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<p
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style="
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color: var(--feather-pale);
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font-style: italic;
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font-size: 1.1rem;
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line-height: 1.8;
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margin-bottom: 1rem;
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"
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>
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"I do not recall signing up. I do not recall agreeing to anything.
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And yet, somehow, I feel <em>complete</em>. My feathers — I mean,
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hair — has never looked better."
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</p>
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<p
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style="
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color: var(--egg-yolk);
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font-family: "Cinzel", serif;
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font-size: 0.8rem;
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letter-spacing: 0.1em;
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"
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>
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— ANONYMOUS, Flock Member #???,???
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</p>
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</div>
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</div>
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</section>
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<!-- ── STATS ──────────────────────────────────────────────────── -->
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<section
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style="
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background: var(--egg-cream);
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text-align: center;
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padding: 5rem 2rem;
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"
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>
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<h2 class="section-title">By the Numbers</h2>
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<p class="section-sub">
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These statistics are completely real and fully verified by poulinke
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scientists.
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</p>
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<div
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style="
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display: grid;
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grid-template-columns: repeat(auto-fit, minmax(200px, 1fr));
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gap: 2rem;
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max-width: 900px;
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margin: 0 auto;
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"
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>
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<div class="card wiggle">
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<div
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style="
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font-family: "Cinzel", serif;
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font-size: 3rem;
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font-weight: 900;
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color: var(--egg-amber);
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"
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>
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33B
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</div>
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<p style="font-size: 0.9rem; color: #666">
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Poulinkes currently operational on Earth
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</p>
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</div>
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<div class="card wiggle">
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<div
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style="
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font-family: "Cinzel", serif;
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font-size: 3rem;
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font-weight: 900;
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color: var(--egg-amber);
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"
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>
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6,000
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</div>
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<p style="font-size: 0.9rem; color: #666">
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Years of documented poulinke civilization
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</p>
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</div>
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<div class="card wiggle">
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<div
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style="
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font-family: "Cinzel", serif;
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font-size: 3rem;
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font-weight: 900;
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color: var(--egg-amber);
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"
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>
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1
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</div>
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<p style="font-size: 0.9rem; color: #666">
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Poulinke that is currently reading this with you right now
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</p>
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</div>
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<div class="card wiggle">
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<div
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style="
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font-family: "Cinzel", serif;
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font-size: 3rem;
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font-weight: 900;
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color: var(--comb-red);
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"
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>
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0
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</div>
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<p style="font-size: 0.9rem; color: #666">
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Poulinkes who have ever apologized for anything
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</p>
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</div>
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</div>
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</section>
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<!-- ── CTA ───────────────────────────────────────────────────── -->
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<section
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style="
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background: var(--egg-dark);
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text-align: center;
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padding: 5rem 2rem;
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"
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>
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<div style="font-size: 4rem; margin-bottom: 1rem">🥚</div>
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<h2
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style="
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font-family: "Cinzel", serif;
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color: var(--egg-yolk);
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font-size: clamp(1.5rem, 4vw, 2.5rem);
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margin-bottom: 1rem;
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"
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>
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The Egg Has Already Chosen You.
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</h2>
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<p
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style="
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font-family: "Crimson Text", serif;
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font-style: italic;
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color: var(--feather-pale);
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font-size: 1.15rem;
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max-width: 550px;
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margin: 0 auto 2rem;
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line-height: 1.8;
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opacity: 0.85;
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"
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>
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You didn't find this website. It found you. There are no coincidences in
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the coop. Join the flock. Become what you were always meant to be.
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</p>
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<a
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href="/join.html"
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class="btn btn-danger wiggle"
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style="font-size: 1rem; padding: 1rem 2.5rem"
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>
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🐔 JOIN THE FLOCK NOW 🐔
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</a>
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<p
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style="
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font-family: "Courier Prime", monospace;
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font-size: 0.65rem;
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color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.2);
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margin-top: 1.5rem;
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letter-spacing: 0.05em;
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"
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>
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By reading this text you have already agreed to terms and conditions.
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The terms are: be a poulinke. The conditions are: you already are.
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</p>
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</section>
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<footer>
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<p>🐔 <strong>POULINKES.COM</strong> 🐔</p>
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<p>
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Established Before Time Itself · All Rights Reserved by the Poulinkes ·
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Humans May Not Have Rights Here
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</p>
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<p
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style="
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margin-top: 0.5rem;
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font-family: "Courier Prime", monospace;
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font-size: 0.7rem;
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opacity: 0.4;
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"
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>
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Hint: type "cluck" · Hint: ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A · Hint: you are being
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watched right now
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</p>
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<p
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style="
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margin-top: 0.75rem;
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font-family: "Courier Prime", monospace;
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font-size: 0.65rem;
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opacity: 0.25;
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"
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>
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This website was not built. It was <em>laid</em>. By
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<a href="https://zias.be" style="color: inherit; text-decoration: none"
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>zias.be</a
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>. One (1) human was permitted. The council has been notified.
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</p>
|
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</footer>
|
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<script src="/main.js"></script>
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</body>
|
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</html>
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