zias
afc3f42253
the analytics are IN, the plausible is PLAUSIBLE, and now we know exactly which poulinkes fan spends 47 minutes on the lore page at 3am. it's you. we know it's you. the chickens know too. Co-Authored-By: Claude Sonnet 4.6 <noreply@anthropic.com>
440 lines
14 KiB
HTML
440 lines
14 KiB
HTML
<!doctype html>
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<html lang="en">
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<head>
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<meta charset="UTF-8" />
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<meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0" />
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<title>POULINKES.COM — They Were Here Before Us</title>
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<meta
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name="description"
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content="The official home of the Poulinkes. Sacred. Eternal. Slightly aggressive."
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/>
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<meta property="og:title" content="POULINKES.COM" />
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<meta
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property="og:description"
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content="They were here before us. They will outlive us."
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/>
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<link
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rel="icon"
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href="data:image/svg+xml,<svg xmlns='http://www.w3.org/2000/svg' viewBox='0 0 100 100'><text y='.9em' font-size='90'>🐔</text></svg>"
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/>
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<link rel="stylesheet" href="/style.css" />
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<script defer data-domain="poulinkes.com" src="https://analytics.zias.be/js/script.file-downloads.hash.outbound-links.pageview-props.revenue.tagged-events.js"></script>
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<script>window.plausible = window.plausible || function() { (window.plausible.q = window.plausible.q || []).push(arguments) }</script>
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</head>
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<body>
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<nav>
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<div class="nav-brand">🐔 POULINKES.COM</div>
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<ul>
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<li><a href="/">The Nest</a></li>
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<li><a href="/lore.html">Poulinke Lore</a></li>
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<li><a href="/meet.html">Meet the Flock</a></li>
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<li><a href="/conspiracies.html">Conspiracies</a></li>
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<li><a href="/shop.html">Egg Shop</a></li>
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<li><a href="/join.html" class="cta">Join the Flock</a></li>
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</ul>
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</nav>
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<!-- ── HERO ──────────────────────────────────────────────────── -->
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<section class="hero">
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<div class="hero-eyeline">
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Est. Before Time · Sacred Order of the Poulinkes · Since The Egg
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</div>
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<div class="hero-chicken wiggle" data-secret-chicken>🐔</div>
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<h1>They Were Here Before Us.<br />They Will Outlive Us.</h1>
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<h2>
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The poulinke does not blink. The poulinke does not forgive. The poulinke
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merely <em>exists</em> — and in that existence, renders all human
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ambition beautifully, profoundly irrelevant.
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</h2>
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<div
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style="
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display: flex;
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gap: 1rem;
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flex-wrap: wrap;
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justify-content: center;
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position: relative;
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z-index: 1;
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"
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>
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<button id="cluck-btn" class="btn btn-solid wiggle">
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🐔 TRIGGER THE CLUCK 🐔
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</button>
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<a href="/lore.html" class="btn wiggle">Discover the Lore</a>
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</div>
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<p class="hero-sub">
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⚠ Side effects of visiting this site may include feather growth, egg
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cravings, and a growing sense that you have always been a poulinke. ⚠
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</p>
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</section>
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<!-- ── TRUTH SECTION ──────────────────────────────────────────── -->
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<section
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style="
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background: var(--egg-cream);
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padding: 5rem 2rem;
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text-align: center;
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"
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>
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<h2 class="section-title">What Is a Poulinke?</h2>
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<p class="section-sub">A question you should have asked sooner.</p>
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<p
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style="
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max-width: 700px;
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margin: 0 auto 2rem;
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font-size: 1.15rem;
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line-height: 1.9;
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color: #444;
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"
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>
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A <strong>poulinke</strong> is not merely a chicken. To call a poulinke
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a chicken is to call the ocean "some water" or the sun "a warm rock."
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The poulinke is an apex being — ancient, sovereign, and inexplicably
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aware of your credit score.
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</p>
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<p
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style="
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max-width: 700px;
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margin: 0 auto;
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font-size: 1.15rem;
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line-height: 1.9;
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color: #444;
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font-style: italic;
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"
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>
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Scientists estimate there are approximately 33 billion poulinkes on
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Earth. That is more than 4 per human.
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<strong>They are already in the majority.</strong>
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They are simply waiting.
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</p>
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</section>
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<!-- ── TEASER CARDS ───────────────────────────────────────────── -->
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<section style="background: white; padding: 5rem 2rem">
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<h2 class="section-title">Enter the World</h2>
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<p class="section-sub">
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Choose wisely. They are watching which link you click.
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</p>
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<div class="cards">
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<a href="/lore.html" style="color: inherit; display: block">
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<div class="card wiggle">
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<span class="card-icon">📜</span>
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<h3>Ancient Poulinke Lore</h3>
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<p>
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The pyramids did not build themselves. Explore 6,000 years of
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suppressed chicken history that the mainstream refuses to
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acknowledge.
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</p>
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</div>
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</a>
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<a href="/meet.html" style="color: inherit; display: block">
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<div class="card wiggle">
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<span class="card-icon">👑</span>
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<h3>Meet the Legendary Poulinkes</h3>
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<p>
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From Sir Clucksworth the Eternal to Countess Featherbottom von Egg
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— meet the immortal icons who shaped our world (without asking
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permission).
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</p>
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</div>
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</a>
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<a href="/conspiracies.html" style="color: inherit; display: block">
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<div class="card wiggle">
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<span class="card-icon">🔴</span>
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<h3>The Conspiracies</h3>
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<p>
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WiFi signals. Road crossings. The moon. You thought these things
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were unrelated. You thought wrong. Pull the string.
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</p>
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</div>
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</a>
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<a href="/shop.html" style="color: inherit; display: block">
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<div class="card wiggle">
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<span class="card-icon">🥚</span>
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<h3>The Sacred Egg Shop</h3>
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<p>
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Acquire blessed artifacts from the poulinke realm. Premium coop
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air. Signed eggs (unsigned). Feathers of uncertain origin. All out
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of stock.
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</p>
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</div>
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</a>
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</div>
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</section>
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<!-- ── TESTIMONIALS ───────────────────────────────────────────── -->
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<section class="dark-section">
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<h2 class="section-title">What Others Are Saying</h2>
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<p class="section-sub">Voices from members of the flock</p>
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<div class="cards" style="max-width: 1000px; margin: 0 auto">
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<div
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class="card"
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style="
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background: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.05);
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border-color: rgba(245, 158, 11, 0.3);
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"
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>
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<p
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style="
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color: var(--feather-pale);
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font-style: italic;
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font-size: 1.1rem;
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line-height: 1.8;
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margin-bottom: 1rem;
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"
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>
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"I came for the eggs. I stayed because the poulinkes asked me to.
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They didn't use words. They just... stared. For eight hours. I
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understood."
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</p>
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<p
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style="
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color: var(--egg-yolk);
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font-family: "Cinzel", serif;
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font-size: 0.8rem;
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letter-spacing: 0.1em;
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"
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>
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— GERALD M., Former Accountant, Current Flock Member #4,441
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</p>
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</div>
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<div
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class="card"
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style="
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background: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.05);
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border-color: rgba(245, 158, 11, 0.3);
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"
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>
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<p
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style="
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color: var(--feather-pale);
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font-style: italic;
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font-size: 1.1rem;
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line-height: 1.8;
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margin-bottom: 1rem;
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"
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>
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"My doctor said I had a 'chicken obsession.' My doctor has since
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joined us. She clucks at the sunrise every morning. It's very
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healthy."
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</p>
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<p
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style="
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color: var(--egg-yolk);
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font-family: "Cinzel", serif;
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font-size: 0.8rem;
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letter-spacing: 0.1em;
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"
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>
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— DR. PATRICIA W., MD, Flock Member #9,002
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</p>
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</div>
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<div
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class="card"
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style="
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background: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.05);
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border-color: rgba(245, 158, 11, 0.3);
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"
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>
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<p
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style="
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color: var(--feather-pale);
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font-style: italic;
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font-size: 1.1rem;
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line-height: 1.8;
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margin-bottom: 1rem;
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"
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>
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"I do not recall signing up. I do not recall agreeing to anything.
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And yet, somehow, I feel <em>complete</em>. My feathers — I mean,
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hair — has never looked better."
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</p>
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<p
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style="
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color: var(--egg-yolk);
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font-family: "Cinzel", serif;
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font-size: 0.8rem;
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letter-spacing: 0.1em;
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"
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>
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— ANONYMOUS, Flock Member #???,???
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</p>
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</div>
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</div>
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</section>
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<!-- ── STATS ──────────────────────────────────────────────────── -->
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<section
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style="
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background: var(--egg-cream);
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text-align: center;
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padding: 5rem 2rem;
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"
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>
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<h2 class="section-title">By the Numbers</h2>
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<p class="section-sub">
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These statistics are completely real and fully verified by poulinke
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scientists.
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</p>
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<div
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style="
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display: grid;
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grid-template-columns: repeat(auto-fit, minmax(200px, 1fr));
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gap: 2rem;
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max-width: 900px;
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margin: 0 auto;
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"
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>
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<div class="card wiggle">
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<div
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style="
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font-family: "Cinzel", serif;
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font-size: 3rem;
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font-weight: 900;
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color: var(--egg-amber);
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"
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>
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33B
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</div>
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<p style="font-size: 0.9rem; color: #666">
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Poulinkes currently operational on Earth
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</p>
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</div>
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<div class="card wiggle">
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<div
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style="
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font-family: "Cinzel", serif;
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font-size: 3rem;
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font-weight: 900;
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color: var(--egg-amber);
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"
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>
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6,000
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</div>
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<p style="font-size: 0.9rem; color: #666">
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Years of documented poulinke civilization
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</p>
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</div>
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<div class="card wiggle">
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<div
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style="
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font-family: "Cinzel", serif;
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font-size: 3rem;
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font-weight: 900;
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color: var(--egg-amber);
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"
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>
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1
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</div>
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<p style="font-size: 0.9rem; color: #666">
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Poulinke that is currently reading this with you right now
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</p>
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</div>
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<div class="card wiggle">
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<div
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style="
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font-family: "Cinzel", serif;
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font-size: 3rem;
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font-weight: 900;
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color: var(--comb-red);
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"
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>
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0
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</div>
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<p style="font-size: 0.9rem; color: #666">
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Poulinkes who have ever apologized for anything
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</p>
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</div>
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</div>
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</section>
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<!-- ── CTA ───────────────────────────────────────────────────── -->
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<section
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style="
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background: var(--egg-dark);
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text-align: center;
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padding: 5rem 2rem;
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"
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>
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<div style="font-size: 4rem; margin-bottom: 1rem">🥚</div>
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<h2
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style="
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font-family: "Cinzel", serif;
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color: var(--egg-yolk);
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font-size: clamp(1.5rem, 4vw, 2.5rem);
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margin-bottom: 1rem;
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"
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>
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The Egg Has Already Chosen You.
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</h2>
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<p
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style="
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font-family: "Crimson Text", serif;
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font-style: italic;
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color: var(--feather-pale);
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font-size: 1.15rem;
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max-width: 550px;
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margin: 0 auto 2rem;
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line-height: 1.8;
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opacity: 0.85;
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"
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>
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You didn't find this website. It found you. There are no coincidences in
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the coop. Join the flock. Become what you were always meant to be.
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</p>
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<a
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href="/join.html"
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class="btn btn-danger wiggle"
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style="font-size: 1rem; padding: 1rem 2.5rem"
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>
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🐔 JOIN THE FLOCK NOW 🐔
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</a>
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<p
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style="
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font-family: "Courier Prime", monospace;
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font-size: 0.65rem;
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color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.2);
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margin-top: 1.5rem;
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letter-spacing: 0.05em;
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"
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>
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By reading this text you have already agreed to terms and conditions.
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The terms are: be a poulinke. The conditions are: you already are.
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</p>
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</section>
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<footer>
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<p>🐔 <strong>POULINKES.COM</strong> 🐔</p>
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<p>
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Established Before Time Itself · All Rights Reserved by the Poulinkes ·
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Humans May Not Have Rights Here
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</p>
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<p
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style="
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margin-top: 0.5rem;
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font-family: "Courier Prime", monospace;
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font-size: 0.7rem;
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opacity: 0.4;
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"
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>
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Hint: type "cluck" · Hint: ↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A · Hint: you are being
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watched right now
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</p>
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<p
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style="
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margin-top: 0.75rem;
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font-family: "Courier Prime", monospace;
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font-size: 0.65rem;
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opacity: 0.25;
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"
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>
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This website was not built. It was <em>laid</em>. By
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<a href="https://zias.be" style="color: inherit; text-decoration: none"
|
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>zias.be</a
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|
>. One (1) human was permitted. The council has been notified.
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</p>
|
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</footer>
|
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|
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<script src="/main.js"></script>
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</body>
|
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</html>
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